Darkness and light day 6

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had in a long time so much so resorted to taking a knife and bringing it to my wrist, leaving several deep indentations all up and down my arm, I known if I had press just a little harder i would have broken skin. I guess that was what I was aiming for. I wanted to bleed, not to die, but to relieve the stress, frustration and heartache I was feeling. I am just thankful, now, that I am rational once more, that I did not cut my skin deeply or did my autistic son seen me. He is already confused about the change in me, which is very hard on him since his understanding of even the simple things is a struggle for him.  His brain can certainly wrap around his mother’s strange behaviour. I am afraid that if he does catch me if I should ever use a knife again that he would think it was ok.
i pray that will never happen.
Today is not much better but at least there is no knife.


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